I am writing this story in the state of a complete shock. Although our shock absorption capacity has risen to a great extent now a days, thanks to media on adding so much of masala to all the negative news, but still this incidence today has shaken me from roots.
The story is very simple. A woman who has raised her family with lot of hardwork. A very middelclass kind of setup with two sons and a retired husband. One of the sons is overaeas, happily married and has a nice little daughter. The younger son is recently married, staying with the parents and apparently quite happy little family. What can possibly go wrong under such circumstances. Now in sixties the lady is retired from her teacher’s job and should be having a peaceful happy life. The only thing which can be observed is a bit of introvert nature, not talking much and always being busy with the household work. A few months earlier there is some psycological disturbance observed and the treatment is done. All this can very much happen with any family.
Now the elder son returns for his vacations from abroad, there this plan to go to some nice hillstation or holiday resort. One fine day the elder son goes out for shopping and within a span of an hour the youngest daughter-in-law enters home. She is not in a position to accept or react to the scene. She is just numb to see her mother-in-law hanging from the fan.
This story does end over here,but with lot of questions in mind. What really could have been going on in her mind. Probably a kid not having a maturity to know what he is doing, just throws off his life after an examination failure. How can a mature lady at the age of sixty do the same. I remember having read somewhere that the kids and old people should be treated the same. Both of them have their tantrums and moods and if we don’t handle it, could be a real trouble.
When we say we have a great support system in India in terms of families and friends as compared to the western countries, does it really work that way. Is it really rare that people stay together for years together and still be aliens to each other. Whatever may be the facts, just having support system does not help, as you can see in the situation above. There has to be some concious effort to take care of even the seniors, along with the kids.
It’s very easy to say that I know my father does not like this or he won’t be interested in this thing. But do you really know what he likes or rather have we taken efforts to understand them. Constant Dialog, sitting together for at least dinner together, making sure to get even your seniors for some movies, making sure they also get the glimse of todays Mall culture, can be few good initiatives. Make sure you gift them books that they like or just a song CD of their choice. Don’t force your liking on them, but rather observe and pick up thier liking.
Make sure your kids spend good amount of time with your parents, set up a routines so that, its the grand father or grand mother, who takes your kid to the play ground everyday, be sensitive about thier favourite TV programs. Remember one thing, the discomfort to start with are very tiny, but these can develop into mental conflicts. So a constant dialog within a family is a must.
One great thing about us humans is, we do get signals about all such disorders much much in advance, be it physical or mental. A timely attension and few concious efforts can solve such issues much in their infancy. What’s important is being aware that, these are valid problems of today’s changing world . Do adjust your priorities depending on the situations, rather than being part of self blinding rat race and neglecting rest of the things happening around.
One more learning is having a plan for the retired life and making sure you surely spend a busy and happy retured life. This laso mean getting to do everything that you always wanted to do, but never got time into due to family and professional commitment. People who don’t have such plan, find themselves useless useless and burden all of a sudden. This feeling can lead to depression and few small conflicts can explode the whole situation. So being mindful of all these facts, giving some serious thought to the after retirement life and having some plan for it, can make things much easier.